I went back to work today. I left my son with strangers today. I survived both, but man is it hard!
Work was actually nice. My co-workers were obviously trying to distract me from thinking about my son with the strangers- they decorated the door to my office with streamers, and left a lovely bouquet of daisies on my desk. They brought juice, fruit and pastries to our staff meeting. We spent lots of time eating these treats, so staff meeting took up most of the morning. They offered to make a cupcake run, which I stupidly declined due to earlier treats. We can save that for tomorrow.
I caught up on emails, got my computer issues fixed with IT and organized my to-do list, desk and folders, since I left in such a hurry 7 weeks ago. I was briefed on the status of my projects so I can take over them again. It was nice to take a shower, do my hair and makeup and get dressed in real clothes- and make it through the day without spit up on my shirt! I enjoyed adult conversations. But, oh man how I missed that little boy!
Jack doesn’t cry when we drop him off, and so far he’s not crying when I pick him up. He’s eating normally. Today, the teacher was holding him when I arrived. I know he’s being taken care of- it’s just hard for me to grasp that it’s by someone other than me. They don’t know all those little quirks about him- that he hates to lay on his back and will scream rather than sleep when placed that way in a crib; that you need to feed him slowly and burp him frequently or risk being covered in regurgitated milk; that he likes to have his tummy rubbed when he gets gas. I can tell them these things, but they have other kids to take care of and what if they don’t remember? It’s just so hard! I wish I were independently wealthy and could just stay home and play with him all day. But, I have to trust that we made a good daycare choice- it is the job of these people to take care of these kiddos. The daycare is full of children- apparently their parents trust it enough to keep sending their kids there. I hear it gets easier- I hope every single person who told me that is right!